V I Pigeons

People love buying into anything these days, especially if it's a crap party in a field full of tw@s. I got a free pair of tickets to such an event and thought I'd go and see a few bands, plus the opportunity to get my festival chic gear on! The Barber country manor hunters snarled in passing at floral welly brigades as bright yella, plastic framed shade wearing possies in bad hats lobbed beer. I criss crossed to performances that annoyingly overlapped, cutting through more clueless crowds that waited for a new leader and direction like starlings, then realised they had no finesse or agility. I was witnessing more of an urban pigeon existence, capable of spotting tiny crumbs from a great distance, glitching and sniffing them with a dirty, chipped beak, before clumsily descending upon them en masse.

I made a pie that morning and took some for later that day, but ate it before we even got there… It was mega! When we arrived, I bumped into a friend of mine Jay, who gave an account of a few bands he'd seen including a solo Ryder.

Jay- Watched Shaun Ryder before. It was mad, he came on stage and looked off his head. Everyone just started shouting and throwing Carling cups and beer bottles at him n stuff. He was funny as fuck though, cos he just stood there calm as fuck saying 'you're all nob'eads' and 'where's yer manners' over and over for about 2 or 3 minutes, then fucked off.

If only I'd left after 3 minutes…